The Storm As It Hits
by HP41293
Summary: This story follows Harry after the Battle of Hogwarts. The deaths of his family and friends have finally got to him. AU Does not follow J.K.Rowling's 19 years later. Contains Self Harm and Abuse. Copyright, characters, places and names belong to J.K.Rowling. I do not own anything
1. Chapter 1

**Trying my hand at muti-chapter fanfic.  
Hope you guys like it.  
Dont know if I will continue posting it... but if I get a fair response, I will... **

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the world of Harry Potter , J.K.R owns it all, and I'm not her.**

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Silence. Not a tone of sound rang around my ears. It was like finding peace again, only, it felt violated. Why?  
Twelve years ago, if you were to come and tell me that I was a wizard, and not just any wizard but a wizard who would stop the darkest wizard of all times, I would probably laugh at your stupidity. But today it was different. I had in fact destroyed the darkest wizard, and in doing so I had killed my family, my friends and a little bit of myself too.

It felt stupid to be with the people I caused pain to, all those who lost their loved ones because of me. No not because they were fighting for me, but if I hadn't lived that night in Godric's Hollow, if I had just died, none of this would have happened, or it would have?  
Lord Voldemort killed my parents. Would it have stopped him from killing others' too? If I were dead, would he have stopped killing? Of course the answer is no. He was prejudiced into thinking that he was the smartest, wittiest and the most powerful wizard of all times; probably more than Merlin. So no, he wouldn't have stopped killing, in fact if he had won, there would have been no half blood or muggle born wizards/witches at all.

Should I be proud?

Watching Molly Weasley's face as the dawn of losing her son reaches her face, as Dennis clutches the limp body of his brother, as Mrs. Tonks watches the toddler jump at his dead parent's body. All dead, all because of me.  
Teddy's cry alerted me. That was not supposed to happen. No more children were to be left to live parentless. Especially not my godson.  
Teddy struggled in his grandmother's arms, trying to get away and into his mother's arm, where she could hold him tight, probably kiss him on his head, before he realized , tears had fallen from his eyes, and made their way down his cheeks. Soft finger tips trailed the tears and wiped them away. As he looked up, he was looking into a pool of hurt, discomfort and love. Those brown orbs had nothing but love and adoration for him. Before he could say a word, she hugged him. The familiar scent surrounded him, and he was back there. In those lone stolen hours spent with her on the Hogwarts grounds. It was Dumbledore's favorite potion, Love.

I didn't deserve this hug, hell; I didn't deserve the attention she was giving me.

"You should be terrified of me Ginny, not hugging me"

"Now why would I do that?"

"Cause I ruined your life. And you family's"

"How did you do that? As far as I can remember you did the one thing we all have being trying to do. Get rid of evil. Be normal you know, live a life where we don't have to watch our back. Where you don't have to take a step and not be worried whether or not Voldemort is going to sense and attack you. No Harry, you saved us, you saved us from a doom we all expected. You are our hero!"

"No! Don't call me that, please! Yes Voldemort is dead. It is over. The worst had come and gone, and I lived. Lived with the guilt of the murders of my best friends, relatives, and soldiers. It just happens to be my fault all the time, doesn't it?"

"No Harry, you are wrong! This is what we wanted remember… a world where there is no evil. Yes people died, but that is not on you! We all lost something or the other in this fight, and we all fought for that very reason. We all fought for the light. For light to win against the dark. Moreover I fought this war so that I don't bring my child into a world where impending doom hangs on his head." She blushed.

"Your child? Marriage plans already Ginevra Weasley?" I teased.

"Only if the bloke I had in my mind proposes. I am not the type of girl who takes matters in her own hands. I'd rather have a fine boy do the honors" she winked and walked away, leaving the air less tensed.

There would be time, to settle scores, but now the only thing I needed was a long nap. And probably take a bath. There would be time to talk to Ron and Hermione. To explain them the works of Horcruxes. Time to explain what went down in the Forest. Time to prove Severus Snape's innocence. And of course time to accept a grieving heart's love for a certain Weasley Daughter.

Walking up to the Gryffindor Common Room seemed normal, like I hadn't just skipped my 7th year or had defeated the killer of my parents. No, it felt like it had felt for the first time.

The beds were welcoming enough, and if it wasn't for my heightened sense of smell, I would have ignored the plate of warm bacon, pancakes and a glass of pumpkin juice placed out on the table for me. God bless the house elves who prepared this. There was time to go down and thank them. For now, eating the wonderful meal was my priority. And then I had a date with my bed and covers.

Lying on the bed with a filled stomach was a feeling that I welcomed happily. It felt good, after an entire year I must accept.

I was home.

I was back into the warmth.

I let the comfort take me in, let it drown me.

The darkness consumed me, no ounce of light. All my life I fought against the dark, yet no victory. Physically I'm done fighting with dark. I think it's time I did it emotionally too.

This is going to be harder than I originally thought it would be. Fighting with people I hate, easy. Fighting with yourself?

It is like resisting laughing on a joke that danced naked in front of you. It will take every ounce of patience in me. And that is saying something.

Harry Potter…. Harry Potter…. Harry Potter….

You let your friends die in your place. You let your family die. You let your love die. Your godson will grow to be alone like you….

"NO! "

"Harry…..Harry… are you alright! Snap out of it! It was just a dream!"

"Ron! Teddy...Is Teddy okay? I killed them right? Just tell the truth. Remus and Tonks have gone right? God! What have I done! I killed them! Spots… red...Blood all over me! I need to scrub… scrub… scrub…"

"Shhh Harry! You are in the Gryffindor Boys Dorm. You are with me and Ron! Remember me? Hermione Granger! Remember Ron Weasley? We are your best friends!"

"No... I have no friends! I killed your brother Ron, Fred or something his name was. I killed him. I uh… I killed all of them"

My hands were red, filled with blood. Had to get them off.

I sprint to the bathroom, and let the bath run.

Without taking off my clothes I step inside, grab a brush and start scrubbing.

"Get it off…. Get it of… get if off… "

I continued scrubbing. Sun rose, Sun set… No time changed the reality.

I killed them.

"No you did not! So stop screaming that or else I will hex you into oblivion!"

"Who are you?"

"You don't remember me? I uh… My name is Ginevra Weasley, I am…. I am Ron's sister"

"Weasley? I killed your brother! I broke your heart! Didn't I? I left you didn't I? Why can't I remember it? Goddamn! "

"Harry, stop! You are going to peel of the skin if you continue!"

"How can I stop? I killed people! People I didn't know. People who had no connection to me what so ever! I'm a killer. Just like that guy who left my parents after the accident. Just like the person who left my parents to bleed to death. I have become into the cold murderer Aunt Petunia always feared I would become."

"What are you rambling about Harry? You are at Hogwarts! Safe from those monsters"

"Monsters? Did you just call my family monsters? The only family left for me? They are not the monsters! I am… and what is Hogwarts anyway?"

"Harry stop! You are not a monster! And uh… Hogwarts is a school! "

"But I just killed that little boy, what was his name, yes Teddy's parents! How do I know his name? I have never seen him in my life, who are Remus and Tonks? Why would they make me his godson?School? really, looks more like a mueseum!"

"What is the last thing you remember doing Harry?"

"Me? Well the last thing I remember is… " I tried to remember.

Shit! It was a blur. Snippets of a life I didn't know came back to me. A big giant breaking down the door. A letter to a special school. Flying broomsticks. Three headed dog. Mirror which showed my parents. A room with a huge snake. A horse that could fly. A room with glowing bowls. And then blank… until killing those people. Yes that is the truth, I killed them.

"I remember killing people. Killing loads of people."

"You didn't kill anyone! It was Lord Voldemort and his followers that did that! Not you! It was Voldemort…. "

"And I killed him too right? Answer me? I killed him too didn't I?"

"Yes you did, but that is because he killed your parents..."

"No my parents were killed in a car crash by some one name Roy."

"THERE IS NO ROY! YOU DID NOT KILL ANYONE… AND IF YOU KEEP THIS GOING YOU WILL KILL MY PATIENCE HARRY JAMES POTTER"

Footsteps. I heard footsteps after her screaming. She was terrifying. Her eyes blazed with a fire I never knew. And her voice? It was octave higher than Aunt Petunia. And that scared me.

"What is going on here? We heard you scream Ginny"

And not so subtly, the bathroom was filled with redheads and a bushy head.

And I was there in the tub, covered in soap water, brush in one hand, and the shower head in the other.

"What is happening here Ginny?" I am assuming she was the girl's mother; she did have the same red hair and eyes.

"Mom, he thinks he has killed everyone. Including… Fred… oh mother! You should have seen him… he was… scrubbing so much… crying and screaming… he blames himself…" she sobbed into the air.

Ron went to her and held her as she sobbed into his chest. He must have been the brother I could never be to Dudley. No wonder he always beat me. If only I had shown some respect of love…

"Harry, oh Harry, it isn't true! You did not kill anyone! Especially not Fred! How could you kill your own brother! You are too kind for that Harry. You mostly did not kill Fred. Or anyone for that matter"

"I killed Voldemort, didn't I?" I whispered.

"He deserved to die Harry. All you did was avenging your parents' death. And many other family's deaths. You would have never killed Voldemort either, if it weren't for him trying to kill you all the time" hiccupped the red haired woman.

"Kill me? Why would he want to kill me?"

"Because you…"

"Mother, it is of no use. He has lost his memory some way. Or something has triggered all the wrong memories. He says his parents were killed in the car crash and that Aunt Petunia predicted he would become a killer if not a drug addict"

"Oh dear…, Bill, call Kingsley, I think we may have some problems."  
I watched as the red head family moved in and out of the bathroom. The bushy haired girl came in to give me a towel, and sat down beside the tub.

"You are my best friend Harry, more like a brother, please come back to me" I was surprised to see tears in her eyes. Me? A best friend? A brother? Wasn't I a killer? So how could I mean so much to her?

She must be joking right? RIGHT?

I stared down at my hands.

And screamed.

I knew something was wrong. But this? I never expected.

I looked old. Like 18 years old.

But I was 10. Only 10.

This body did not belong to me.

I ran to the bedroom in my towel, blowing the cupboard door open with the sudden force and stared into my reflection.

I looked different.

Older.

Tougher.

Wiser.

Better.

Sleepier.

Tired.

This wasn't my body. Yet it looked just like mine.

Same eyes, same hair!

Holy Shit!

Same scar on the same side of the body.

Either I was dreaming. Or I just hit growth spurt way too fast!

My hands were double my old size.

I was a little broader. I used to be silly skinny.

What the hell happened?

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**Should I continue? **

**Please REVIEW!**  
**All criticism and comments accepted :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the world of Harry Potter , J.K.R owns it all, and I'm not her.**

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"Kingsley, the boy has no memory of what happened, or he has. I don't know. He remembers snippets. But one thing he remembers the most is that all that happened is his fault. That if someone died, it's his fault. Fred, Remus, and Tonks… that's all he remembers for now… but if we were to show him photos he would probably take charge of the other lost warriors too"

A large burly man, with skewed glasses and red hair tried to get his point clear. But from what I could see, he was talking to himself. He was crouched against the fireplace, speaking into the fire as if it held some walkie talkie.

"He must be going through PTSD…"

The voice scared me to shit. It wasn't a voice that you hear out of a telephone or something. No the voice belonged to a man, whose face was now swimming in the fire. And it was bloody hell creepy.

It was something I had never seen before. Bizarre. Unreal. Magic.

**Magic does not exist boy**

The reality sank in as I traced the healed scar up my right shoulder, yes I do remember that, magic does not exist. Then what the hell am I seeing? Am I dreaming again? Like all those times I dreamt of a flying motorcycle, a dragon and funny shaped coins.

World made no sense anymore. All I want to do is rebel.

And that is what I will do.

"What is going on? Are you talking into a fire? You do know that this means you are mad! Like crack in the head!" I laughed, it felt nice to laugh. The voice was way to alien.

"Harry. The right person I really needed to talk about. Aah, forget what just happened. How about we speak over tea?"

"My aunt and uncle told me not to take anything from a stranger, so either we don't, or you tell me how the hell you know me"

My guard was up, if he posed threat or not I didn't know, but the way he behaved triggered fear. Fear for affection.

"My name is Arthur Weasley. I am a friend of your aunt and uncle, they um send me to take care of you while they were out on a vacation"

"Weasley eh? Was Fred your boy? Must have been! Same hair color, almost same chin line… say, you don't mind eating and being friends with your son's killer? If it were me, I would kill the person who killed my son"

"The person who killed my son is dead Mr. Potter. You killed him."

"I am very much alive Mr. Weasley"

"I wasn't referring to you Harry; it was Lord Voldemort who killed my son"

"Funny, how that side of the story does not match mine"

"What is your story then?"

"I killed your son, god knows why, but yes I killed him, dropped a wall over him, and then pushed his brother, what was his name, yea Percy away from his body. Say you have a lot of children don't you? The red haired girl yours too?"

"I have 7 kids, sorry, 6 kids totally. And yes Ginny is my daughter, my only daughter"

"Whoa 6 must be a handful. My uncle once told me that Dudley was the only kid he would ever have, and that I was a burden on them. You seem different than him. Alien"

Something shook in Mr. Weasley's demeanor. He shook violently and had to hold the chimney for support. His eyes were of hatred, and for a second I was afraid for my life. Just for a second though. Cause the shine in his eyes would never be alien to me. It was the same look Uncle Vernon had when he…

"How about that tea and breakfast I promised you?"

"Sure, although I should warn you, I have no money on me!"

"Don't worry; my wife is fairly good in cooking"

"Fairly? The last time I heard mom was better than fair dad. She is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G." Mr. Weasley's son spoke with a smile on his face. Must be nice, to show off a parent's pride. I wish I had that. So easy this family was. 6 children, 2 parents, a loving home and best, no abuse.

Or that's what it seemed like.

"How do you manage with so many siblings? I had, sorry have just one but we don't get along much"

I had struck a conversation with the youngest Weasley boy, Ron Weasley. He had a sense of humor. But he expected a lot out of me, and that scared me a bit. Okay maybe more.

"We are cool. Bill is like the coolest brother. He is the eldest too. Protective yes, but very thoughtful and caring. Charlie is like the rebel type. He cares but he hides it. He often disagrees but we all know that living with the dragons is a tough job, and it gets on him. Not meeting us much. Especially Ginny. She is his favorite. Although Ginny is everyone's favorite. Mine too. Fred and George are the world's most awesome twins. Well not anymore, it's just George now. Percy is really career oriented, but when it comes to family, he is all soldiers."

"You guys have a huge family eh"

"You'll be surprised"

"Do any of your brothers hit you? Or each other?"

"Well we do get into fights, but mostly it's for fun"

"No I mean, real hitting. Like the one that leaves bruises"

"No we don't."

"Then you must not be real siblings"

"Where'd you get that idea from?"

"My cousin. He told me, that if a sibling doesn't lay a hand on you, it means you aren't important to him/her" I looked down. I hated this. It meant I was important to him right? After all those years of going through it, I was his sibling right? Then why wasn't he here, taking care of me? Why did he leave me to these complete strangers?

"Harry, I, uh, did your cousin often beat you?"

"Yea, everyday! He said it makes our bond stronger. I really did look up to him you know. But he too left me. He betrayed me. Ever since that day I don't believe in brotherhood. He stood up on me. And made me an embarrassment to the family."

"What happened Harry? Would you tell me the entire story?"

"I could try. Umm, it began during the summer vacations. This girl I liked in school had told me she would like to go have ice cream with me. So I took her out you know. I mean I was just 9, but still a boy. So I took her out to this ice cream parlor at the end of the street and got her chocolate cone. She liked chocolate. As we ate, I took her to the garden, girls like the garden. We were sitting there and this gang of boys crowds us. She got uncomfortable and asked me to escort her home. So I walk her to her home, but all the time the gang followed us. After dropping her safely I went to them to make the matters right. But when I went there I realized my brother was one of them. They made fun out of me. Joked around that a guy like me had a girlfriend. I tried to defend her, saying that she wasn't my girl, this wasn't even a date, and we just bought ice creams as friends. Surely I was allowed a friend right? She was after all my first friend. But my brother had other plans. He…." I stopped, not wanting to continue, what would he think after he found out? Would he too betray me? Was he that important to me?

I didn't know him, yet he made sure I was alright, so yea. He was important. To certain extent. I couldn't trust him completely; not yet. This might be Dudley's way of getting back at the laundry incident the other day.

"Tell me Harry, what did he do?"

"You promise you won't leave me?"

"I promise."

"Pinky Promise?"

"A what?"

"Umm, it's like a swear promise. Only nicer"

"Yes pinky promise"

"Well he was mad. Apparently he liked Laine too. So I told him that it's okay, I don't mean to take her away from him. But he didn't listen; instead he and his friends ganged up on me and made me…" I couldn't continue.

A soft warm hand held mine, and I looked up. Bushy haired had finally made her way into the living room. I watched her face soften from anger to comfort. She held her hand up, and wiped away the tear that fell unknowingly.

"I pinky promise too Harry, won't leave you. Never"

"What is your name?"

"You don't remember?"

"Am I supposed to? Are you Dudley's friend?"

"No I am your friend"

"I don't have friends"

"You do; me and Ron. I am Hermione Granger by the way."

"Since when do I have friends?"

Hermione was going to reply, but Ron held her other hand, and shushed her.

"Harry, we'll talk about us later, you were telling me about Dudley. What did he do?"

"He… he made them take my clothes off. And not just my shirt or pants; but everything. And then made me walk home like that. It was…" I couldn't take it anymore. That day. Memories flashed by.

All those stares.

Naked.

I was naked. Not only by clothes, but by emotions, humiliation and feelings.

I ran away from the living room before they could protest.

The fact that somebody other than me would be hurt about this was laughable. I was Harry. Bad things were meant to happen with me.

I was a sin.

A boy who never did any good.

I was in that place again.

It was weird. Alien. I have never seen this place in my entire life, yet I feel like it means something.

I watch as a rat like man walks toward me. Holding a stick like thing in one hand a weird dirty looking baby in the other. As I looked over the baby, a massive headache burned me. It was as if my head was on fire. And the source? My scar I received from the car crash. This did not make sense.

Not one bit.

I saw the rat like man speaking. He said something about a spare man.

And then it was fireworks. A green jet flew out of the stick he held, and a person to my right whom I didn't know to be there, fell down. Lifeless.

And I screamed.

Before I knew it, 4 pairs of hand were holding me.

One of them was across my chest, hugging me. And I must accept it was the best hug I ever received. Not that it has much competition. But I always imagined hugging my mom like this. Safe. Secure. Warm. Love.

I looked up, and stared into the dark brown eyes of Molly Weasley. They were filled with tears. Tears that mirrored my own.

And now I knew how a mother is.

Not like Aunt Petunia. Who answered all her son's pleas and gave everything he asked for. No. Molly Weasley gave me something else.

She gave me love and respect.

Her boys held me as I whimpered and sobbed into the pillow.

I know it made me less of a boy, but that dream. It felt so real.

But there was no such thing right?

I mean green jet flowing out of a stick.

Someone dying by it?

There was no such thing as magic.

Uncle Vernon said there was none.

Then why did it feel familiar.

Why was there a deeper connection to the green jet than there ever was with anything else?

And why did that baby cause me a head ache?

Surely I was going mad right?

The inner battle inside my mind did not help me sleep that night.

But what did was the comfort of 4 people along with me in the room.

Molly never left me.

Neither did her sons.

Ron kept his pinky promise.

He never left me.

I could trust him.

Right?

Sleep I needed. Sleep I should get. Sleep I deserved.

Yet no sleep on the horizon.

It was as if even God was testing my patience.

And with every minute by, it grew even more volatile.

Suddenly out of nowhere, sparks flew out of my drawer. Or rather the drawer on the bedside.

They were pretty. But scary. One second it is dark and the other golden sparks are flowing around the room, but mostly connected to me. It was as if I was a magnet and they got attracted to me.

All the Weasley's in the room stared at me, eyes wide open, and their mouths making a 'o'. Capital O.

After a minute, the sparks died, so did my excitement. I felt so tired and exhausted, I didn't need a bed or covers to fall asleep, the floor would have done just fine.

And before I knew it, I was floating in the darkness of sleep.

* * *

The sun was up way damn too early.

Searching for my glasses I fumble out of the bed and into the living room so as to take matters in my own hands.

It was high time I get on with my duties. So what if I am not with Uncle Vernon anymore. He taught me to be a good boy. Good boys are those who did their work, what so ever.

But Molly had beaten me to it. Not only had she made tea, but she also managed to make toast, bacon, chicken legs and omelets. Not to mention, none of them were burnt.

Did she make this on her own? Or did she make her kids do it?

Of course she made her kids do it. Same as I did for Aunt Petunia. But she never made Dudley do any work. Probably because he would screw it up always.

Seeing as there was nothing for me to do. I walk up to the kitchen and start putting out plates and mugs on the table so everyone can eat.

"What are you doing dear?"

"Putting out the plates. Uncle always said that a good boy always does his work. Do you need to put out the trash? It is okay, I can do it for you. After all what's a little work?"

I carried out the trash and walked out the door. There was no trash can visible in the vicinity. So I walked toward the end of the street. There was a tiny box labeled garbage maybe that is it.

While I walked till there, I felt a sense of déjà vu.

How could that be? It was the first time I visited this place right?

Speaking of which, what is this place? What is it called?

Is it near to Privet Drive?

Do aunt and uncle know I am here?

Will they be pleased or worried?

Or just annoyed at yet another thing I couldn't do right?

I never seemed to do anything right.

Always.

I walked back, slowly rather.

Not wanting to go back earlier.

Did I want to stay here?

Did I like it?

I was only 10 years old right?

What sort of life changing decision can be made at 10?

I laughed at my idiocy. Of course I couldn't decide for myself.

If that were the case, I would have ran away a long time ago.

"What do you think happened to him Arthur?"

"We don't know Molly. Let's just hope for the better."

"I cannot see him like this. He is so distant. And he talks as if he doesn't know us. I mean he spent 7 years with us. Practically living with us. How could he not remember?"

"Excuse me, but I never lived with you! How could you lie like that? Did you know that if you were to lie like that in front of my uncle, he would whip you! You are lucky he isn't here!"

"How old are you Harry?"

"I uh... What?"

The question caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting that one. Nope. Not at all.

"I am 10 years old. Will turn 11 this 31st July. Why?"

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**Please REVIEW!**

**All criticism and comments accepted :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the world of Harry Potter , J.K.R owns it all, and I'm not her.**

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_The question caught me by surprise. I wasn't expecting that one. Nope. Not at all._

_"I am 10 years old. Will turn 11 this 31st July. Why?"_

"No reason dear. How about you go take your breakfast and watch some TV?"

"Umm, okay!"

I was never allowed to eat and watch TV at the same time. It was always, finish your food fast and clean up the mess. Then go up to your cupboard and do something that does not include them. They said they loved me, that the things they do are good for me. Was it?

Did they really love me?

Or did they just cheat? Like Ron said, brotherhood isn't about hitting or beating someone.

So what was that I had with the Dursley's?

I knew I was a Potter. My mother was Aunt Petunia's sister. My father's name was James Potter. And according to Aunt, he was good for nothing.

I never saw my parents. Not even their photos.

So did I really believe them, about what they said about my parents?

I know I believed some part.

Like how they left me here, without them. It must prove they don't want me or love me.

But the rest?

I looked good. Fairly good. Perfect green eyes, tousled black hair. So my parents must look good too. Since Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon are not that good looking, I must believe I fell for my parents on the looks wise.

Thank god for that. If I turned out to be like a walrus, I would definitely go into hiding.

I giggled at myself, for even thinking something like that. It was not me. I was changing.

Was it for the good?

Family to the Weasley's meant different to the family of Dursley.

Here, it was more about what the others wanted. There, it was mostly what I never should get.

Here, I don't have to eat less than Dudley. Here, I do not need to hide my tears.

Here, I don't feel out of ordinary.

Here, I feel like I'm at home.

I guess.

Ginny was talking to me. She was going on about her school. How people from all around Europe came. How it made her feel different. And how she had only one year there.

That confused me.

Didn't we study till we were 18? She was just 17 right?

Maybe she skipped a year. Yea that must be it. She is smart.

She is very smart. Beautiful too. Did I mention smart?

She seems interested.

But am I?

I don't know her.

I could never be the person she needed me to be.

I had to get back to Dursley's. My life belonged there.

I was an adopted kid, with no parents. Living in a house of my aunt and uncle. I owed them.

I owed them this life.

And by staying here I wasn't paying them back in any way possible.

I stood up. Walked to the room they gave me, and started packing my stuff.

I needed to get out of here.

Now.

By the time lunch was announced I was packed and ready.

Ready to leave, leave the only place that gave me true care.

But no, I did not belong here!

This was not my world.

I took my trunk down, made damn lot of noise I must say, but I got it down anyway.

Faces. Faces of eight frowning Weasley's crowded my exit.

"I need to leave"

"No you do not Harry. You are staying here." Said Mrs. Weasley.

"I am not staying here Mrs. Weasley. You have your family to take care of, I have mine…"

"But we are your family" stated Ron.

"Family? You say I am a part of your family, and yet I know nothing about anyone present in this room. I do not belong here. I cannot look you into the eye and say; yes I remember that, I was there when that happened or something like yes that was a great time. For goodness sake, I killed your brother. You cannot keep me in the same house. No frikkin' way. I'm leaving. I have places to be, things to do."

"This is where you belong Harry. Where you will be safe!"

"I am safe nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. Especially when Roy is still alive"

I exit and walk straight out the road, and into the sandy path towards the gate. After which I have no idea how I will ever reach back home.

Highway. There is a highway up ahead. Maybe 100 miles or so. Thank god I did plan on wearing my walking shoes today.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

My footsteps make an even sound while they crush the sand beneath. My breath takes its toll as the sun bares all its heat on me.

I never noticed, it is really hot in mid May.

More than normal.

There were no cars in sight.

And I grew even more tense. I was out. Out in open. Open to Roy's eyes, where he can see me and hunt me. And then there will be no Harry Potter.

Would the world be a better place without Harry Potter?

Aunt Petunia always said so.

So did Uncle Vernon, when he would come home every night, and show me how much of a nuisance I was to him.

Yes, the world would be better off without me.

After all who would miss me?

I had no friends. Hell I don't talk to anyone in the first place to make friends.

But Ron and Hermione….

Are long gone. They are not my friends.

I have to remember that.

Remember what?

Dammit.

Yes.

No friends.

A car horn.

Another one.

Hitch my hand high up, and ask the car to stop.

"Would you let me hitch a ride to, Privet Drive? That's in Little Whinging"

"Umm, I don't usually take strangers with me. Sorry"

"Its okay."

Time passes.

No car stopped.

Sweat ran freely under the shirt.

My glasses slipped off many times.

Sweat.

On my nose, hands, forehead, chest and back.

Sweat.

Everywhere.

Finally a car stopped.

"Would you let me hitch a ride to, Privet Drive? That's in Little Whinging"

"Yea sure, but that would be 10 dollars."

"Sure I have got cash" rather than, the borrowed cash I still had in my sock when I had planned to run away from the Dursley's. It held a couple of hundred's.

Swoosh.

Away went the moist area of… where ever this is.

I will never see the Weasley family again.

Ever.

Right?

A little before the sunset, I reached Little Whinging. Walking up to 4,Privet Drive took me about 5 minutes.

Usually it would take 2, but returning here. It felt like I was seeing this after a lifetime.

Like I was sucked into some alien universe, and now I am back.

Aliens don't exist, I told myself, and rang the bell.

Half expecting it to be unanswered.

Half expecting.

And you know what they say about expectations.

They are always disappointing.

Yes.

The door opened.

The view took me by surprise.

Aunt Petunia saw me and dropped her favorite vase.

Yes.

She dropped it.

Not me.

For the first time.

It was her fault.

And she was in tears too.

What the hell did that mean?

"Vernon… Vernon he's back!"

"Who is back darling?"

"Harry. He is umm.. Standing at our threshold."

"Say what?"

"Harry. At the threshold. Right now!"

"Get him in, before the neighbors see him!"

I felt hands grab at my tee shirt and pull me in.

Pull me into my worst nightmare.

Yet it was familiar.

The familiar smell of burning dinner.

The usual clutter of the plates.

The voice of the TV.

The screeching sound of the chair moving back.

And finally, the big pompous usual look of Uncle Vernon.

I was back.

Back home.

Back in doom.

It hurt to be back, yes, but it was familiar.

Aren't people supposed to be happy with familiar.

Then why wasn't I?

What was missing from this life?

"Hello Uncle, I'm back. I'm sorry, I ran away"

"Its uh okay, Har- boy!"

After 10 years of calling me "boy", I was surprised when even half of name slipped his lips.

He did know my name.

Yes he did.

Victory?

I guess so.

Dudley looked at me.

His eyes were wide.

He grew up!

A lot!

Just like me!

"Look at you Dudley, you actually did grow up!"

Dudley cracked a smile. He seemed hostile. Better than before.

What happened here while I was gone?

How long was I gone?

"You were gone for 5 days"

Did I say that out loud?

"Yes you did it, and before I repeat, you are doing it again." Dudley cracked a smile at me.

5 days. I disappear for 5 days and this is what I get!

If only I know this before would have left early and would have come back after a month or so.

I finally feel a part of the Dursley's.

They don't need to be afraid of the neighbors any more.

I wouldn't let them down.

Not again.

"I am sorry I left Aunt Petunia. It won't happen again. I know Roy is up at large. Don't worry, I won't leave home again. And I promise to scrub the floors right, never to leave the water un-dried, I won't burn the breakfast. I promise! Just don't punish me!"

Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had the most dumbstruck look on their face.

"It is okay boy, you are forgiven! No go to your room and sleep. Umm by the way, your stuff has been moved into the second bedroom! You will no longer sleep in the cupboard. We need that for… umm.. For storage. Yes we need that for storage"

"Harry, I want you to take your things and settle into the second bedroom. You are not to come out of that room without permission. And we are taking you to a doctor tomorrow. No you cannot excuse yourself from this. We need to know what you have been up to this past days. You and me, we will both leave at 10 am sharp. I want you awake and ready by 9:30. Got it?"

"Yes Aunt Petunia. Thank you"

I dragged my trunk up, or at least some steps. Dudley helped me out in the halfway. That's a surprise.

"Since when do you start helping me?"

"Ever since you disappeared and I thought I will never see you again Harry. Don't ever do that again okay?"

"I thought you all didn't want me here in this house. I was after all a nuisance right?"

"Bullshit! We want you here. And this is where you will stay! Got that?"

"Yes Duds"

"Welcome back Harry"

"Glad to be Dudley"

And they parted ways on the first landing.

Harry stepped into his new bedroom.

My new life.

New improved life.

Everything had changed. My new room had a new bed, which actually fit mine size. New curtains, cleaned windows and even a table on the side of bed.

Things were looking good.

Exceptionally good.

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